Friday, September 30, 2005

Putting it Out There

if you don't want to read the serious stuff, i suggest skipping ahead to after the "hmmm".

It's been said, depending on who you talk to, that this lockout has 5-7 emotional stages that mirror those in grief: shock, denial, bargaining, guilt, anger, depression, acceptance. some for the sake of brevity have eliminated some like guilt (as far as i can tell: we've done nothing wrong here - and i'm a catholic, i KNOW guilt when i see it!). well i have to admit, i think i'm stuck in the anger stage. i know a lot of those around me have self-actualized to the point where they're in the acceptance stage, but i can't get there. anger is like the big toll bridge standing in the way of reaching depression or acceptance, and i've run out of change (and i'm not carrying my visa or interac cards either!). and every communique i get from either side just ads fuel to the fire because the rhetoric coming from both sides seems so thick. i'm starting to doubt i will ever have a staff job with the cbc, even when this is resolved. i HAD a staff job once upon a time - but i grew out of it. and when i wanted to take the better job, the job that i have now, i was forced to give up my permanent status. basically, as i explained to my mom this morning, probably the only reason i'm still working is because i've had two managers now that seem to believe in me, and think i'm competent. but the longer this goes on, the longer i'm beginning to doubt that this fight is about making people like me a permanent part of the workforce. i guess i can't afford to start thinking these things now. ironically enough, what i did catch myself thinking this morning was of a potential question line for mayor stephen mandel for the end of the year interview our host does with the mayor (don't worry portia - it's not the "if you could be any kind of vegetable, what would you be?" kind of questions). i guess that sort of tells me that i'm not taking that much of a mental break from work - and i guess this also makes me angry because despite that i'm always "working", i'm somehow not the kind of person the cbc wants as a staff member. hmmm.
ok, enough with the dead seriousness... i just had to get that out there.
this was the first week i didn't have temp work to deal with. it was kind of nice, actually. financially scary, but nice. i went to pack food at the food bank for the first time this week. it was good. i learned that sorting food is much easier when you say what it is out loud, a la scott findlay (right scott?). "tomato sauce, tomato sauce...okaaaaay... ah! here!" i also learned that some people donate the strangest stuff (12 bottles of MINT SAUCE??? a jar of HAGGIS??? no, i'm not even kidding). but most importantly, i learned they need so much help there. i think the small core staff do an admirable job, but i can tell that on a normal day, sorting those bins and packing all those boxes would be a daunting task that really needs more hands. i hope we can continue our work there when and if we get back to work at cbc.
we also had a staff meeting this week with free pizza (thank you pipefitters). i ate too much of it. the meeting was just a general update, but before things got started, we were treated to a rallying cry by glenn freeman, who i haven't seen that excited since ... well... uh ... ever. i'm kidding glenn, but seriously, it was a nice attempt at rallying the troops. we were also, as usual, treated to the comedic stylings of mark connolly.
we also had a rally in the downtown on wednesday. black balloons with the exploding pizza bastardized into a skull and crossbones motif. i think you get the picture.
i also have discovered the joy of the sudoku puzzle. it's frustrating, mind-numbing, fun, and can be such a tease when you're so close to finishing but can't figure out that one freaking number! i know that i'm nowhere near the talents of rod gorda, but i'm trying rod i'm trying! and have i mentioned, it kills 2 hours on the line, easy?
ok so before i go, i must say thanks to: dan mclennan (for continually feeding our caffeine addictions), the pipefitters (damn good pizza), jim macdonald (again for delivering breakfast monday), and all those that stop and say good words on the line or in letters to the editor. it does make a difference.

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